Participant Page 8

  I busy myself looking at the black-framed pictures of Olympic athletes and well known singers, dancers and actors, some of them adorned with signatures in the bottom corner. Two blonde girls who look like sisters file in. You can tell they’re real blondes because of the fair coloring that comes straight out of their roots matching their pale eyelashes and brows. One is significantly taller than the other, but looks like the younger one.

  A brunette wearing black flats and a graphic tee half way tucked into distressed, lose fitting faded jeans walks in next and smiles at me with recognition in her eyes as if she knows me. I hate it when that happens. You don’t know this person but they’re looking at you like they know you. You don’t want to smile or wave in case they’re really looking at someone else, in which case you’d feel like an idiot, but you also don’t want to be rude and totally ignore them just in case you do know them. I glance to my left to see if maybe her smile is directed at Talya, but she walks straight towards me and sits in the chair between us and says, “Oh my god! Hey, how are you?”

  “Fine,” I say with an exuberance matching hers even though I still have no idea who she is.

  “So did you find an apartment? I waited for you after my consultation but you must have gone in and out before I finished or something because I didn’t see you anywhere.”

  Oh, my goodness. It’s Sabrina, the girl who randomly offered to be my roommate when I came in for orientation. She looks totally different.

  “I know, I look totally different,” she says. “I get bored really easily and being blonde is totally overrated, so I went back to my roots. You like?” she asks and tosses her head around, sending her brown wavy locks swirling about her face. When she reaches her arm up to smooth it back down, I notice that she has a tattoo on the inside of her left wrist that’s too small to make out. The dark hair really compliments her brown eyes and tan skin but she’d probably look good with Green hair.

  “Yeah, it looks great. I didn’t even recognize you.”

  On anyone else, the faded blue jeans and worn out looking cotton top would look grungy, but she looks like she tumbled directly out of bed and into a fashion spread. Her hair has that bed head tousled look to it, but still looks done and even without make-up her skin is flawless. Dark, thick lashes frame her large eyes.

  “So, did you find an apartment?” she asks again.

  “Uh, yes. I did. I’m in East County now.”

  “Nooo... it gets so hot there! And it’s so far. You should’ve come and looked at the extra room I had. You could have been right downtown. I did manage to find a decent roommate, and it’s working out so far, but she’s getting super tight with her boyfriend and I have this feeling that they’re going to end up wanting to live together. If they think I’m going to let him move in, they’ve got another think coming,” she says, raising her eyebrows emphatically. “He’s there way too much as it is... I swear, he should be paying rent. He just gives me the creeps. You know how sometimes you just get a weird gut feeling about someone? Like, something is off?”

  I nod my head.

  “Well, that’s him.” She shudders and shakes her head in disgust. “Anyway, how cool is it that we’re going to be in the same class?”

  “Yeah. I was wondering if you decided to sign up or not. I almost didn’t, but had a change of heart.”

  “I almost didn’t either,” Sabrina says. “I don’t feel that I especially need personal development, but I really didn’t have anything else productive I wanted to do with my time at the moment, so I signed up for the combo deal and here I am.”

  That means we’ll be in class together for the next three months. She’s very brash and abrupt, but I think I like her.

  I glance around the room again and by this time, all but two of the chairs are filled until one more person enters the room and takes one. Her shock of white blonde hair bounces around her shoulders as she strides into the room on heels higher than I’ve ever worn in my life. A younger girl with long, straight brown hair that falls in sheets across her back and kind brown eyes smiles at her, flashing deep, uneven dimples in both cheeks, offering a hello, but she doesn’t respond. The girl’s eyes widen in confusion at what seems to be a slight, then she continues chatting with the very pretty, sweet faced blonde girl on her right. When the bleached blonde glances up, a flash of recognition passes over her face which seems to be directed at Sabrina.

  “Do you know her?” I whisper.

  “Nope.” She replies quickly, but there was definitely a stilted exchange of glances.

  At 6:01 p.m. on the dot, this glamazon of a woman walks in and shuts the door behind her. She stands at the top of the semi-circle facing us and introduces herself. “Hello everyone. My name is Eve and I’m going to be your personal development instructor for the next four weeks. I’m so excited that you have all decided to take this journey.”

  She clasps her hands in front of herself and smiles, revealing teeth so perfectly square they must be veneers. Her smile remains pasted on her face as she makes eye contact with each one of us. She looks like Miss America. Seriously. She’s definitely got the hair. Her shiny chestnut brown tresses, parted deeply at the side, sweep across her forehead in a perfect swoop that cascades in gentle waves past her shoulders with the crown lifted and teased to frame her face.

  “I have competed in Miss Teen USA, Miss USA and Miss America pageants. I held the title of Miss Nevada for two years and won Miss USA on my second try. My college education was completely financed with scholarship money I won in pageants. I was a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader for three years while I completed my MBA. I’m a promotional speaker, so I teach classes like this all over the US, and actively participate in several charity organizations.”

  I knew it! A pageant girl, and obviously smart and ambitious too. The ray of light vaulting through her wedding ring informs me that she probably has an equally handsome husband to go along with the rest of her perfect life.

  “Having spent most of my life doing pageants and dance, I’ve learned quite a bit about what it takes not only to project confidence, but to also feel it on the inside. If you don’t believe in yourself and feel pride in yourself from the inside out, no one else is going to be able to see it. In this class, you will improve self-awareness and social abilities, build your sense of identity and identify your potential. We want you to leave this class as a more confident and well-rounded person than when you came in.”

  My heart starts beating faster and I sit up a little bit straighter. Yes, yes! That’s exactly what I want. This woman is my very own angel sent from heaven. If I can walk out of here with even half of her polish and self-confidence, it’ll still be a one hundred percent improvement from where I started.

  “Let’s start with a little ice breaker.”

  One by one, Eve wants us to introduce ourselves and tell everyone our motivation for taking the class. I know it’s only eight other people, and this isn’t exactly a speech or anything, but I’m already nervous.

  “So, who wants to go first?” Eve asks, expectantly looking around the room.

  Everyone stares at everyone else for a few seconds. Talya raises her arm half way, and Eve nods the go ahead.

  “Hello, my name is Talya. I’m twenty-three years old and I’m an international student from Turkey doing my last year of graduate studies here at San Diego State University. I am an only child and it was really hard for my parents to let me study abroad, but I really wanted to see the world. I love it here and I want to stay. I’m here on a student Visa, so I’m expected to go back to Turkey after graduation. I’ve always been told I should be a model. It’s not considered respectable to be a model in my family and I never really thought about being one, but I figured if I could get a modeling agent here, then I’d get to extend my Visa and stay.”

  She’s so beautiful. How could she not know she was born to be a model? She’s stopped talking and I absolutely do not want to go next, so I keep my eyes downward and avoid making eye contact with E
ve. The person to the left of Talya speaks up.

  “Hello! My name is Callie,” she chirps. She gives a little half wave to everyone and lets out a little giggle, clearly excited to be here. We all laugh a little in response. Her voice is high and her energy infectious. “I’m fifteen years old and I’m a sophomore at Vista High School. I’m the smart one in the family, but I’m terrible at sports.” She giggles again and her eyes squint to half-moons. “I’ve wanted to come here forever. We live an hour away so my mom wouldn’t let me sign up until my sister got a car and could drive me. It’s always been my dream to be a model. My mom has no clue how to get me started, so I had my sister bring me here.”

  I graduated from Vista High too—about a decade ago. Callie is a fetus compared to me and she looks like one too, with her round blue eyes, fair skin, blonde bangs, her cheeks dusted with freckles, and the slightest of spaces between her two front teeth.

  “I’m the older sister,” the person sitting next to her pipes up.

  So, they are sisters. She looks like an older, curvier but more compact version of Callie with fewer freckles. Callie’s proportions mirror the classic, lanky, slim runway model, while Karen’s curvy athletic shape belongs in a swimsuit catalog. She’s not even wearing a super low cut top but the dip is enough to make out the swell of a perfect cleavage. She looks bored. Her legs are crossed and the foot that’s off the ground fidgets while she talks.

  She continues with her introduction. “My name is Karen. I’m twenty-one years old and I’m a waitress and part time student. I’m the athletic one. I used to be a competitive diver, but now I’m Callie’s chauffer. Our mom thought this would be something fun Callie and I could do together. She was willing to pay for us both, so I’m tagging along.”

  Maybe I could get up to go to the bathroom and miss my turn. No, then they might think I did it on purpose or I might still have to do it when I come back which would be worse than just getting it over with.

  Eve nods at the one who walked in with her head down to go next. She speaks so low, we can’t hear her and Eve has to ask her to speak up. She clears her throat and tries again, casting her eyes downwards as she speaks.

  “My name is Janine. I’m twenty-seven. I’m a Computer Network Engineer with a Bachelor’s Degree in Business and a Master’s degree in Engineering. They’re starting to ask me to do some presentations at work and I’m running out of ways to get out of it.” Her brown eyes dart around the room nervously before looking down again.

  “Thanks, Janine,” Eve says then nods at the girl next to her. The one with the dimples is Molly and the sweet blonde sitting next to her is Mindy. Both seventeen, they have been singing and dancing together since they were five, have no experience acting, and signed up because they want to move to Hollywood together as soon as they graduate high school. “We want to be a triple threat. Sing, act and dance,” Molly says excitedly.

  The white-blonde haired girl who ignored Molly’s hello earlier doesn’t wait for a signal from Eve, introducing herself as Tessa. “I’m twenty-two. I’m a production assistant at NBC studios and I graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Communications and a minor in Theatre last year. I’ve starred in too many plays to count. I want to be on TV, preferably, a news anchor.” Her hair is so platinum, it’s gray. I wonder how long it took to apply her perfectly made up face.

  Sabrina tells everyone she doesn’t volunteer her age. She’s interested in fashion design and wardrobe styling, so she decided to explore the entertainment industry side of it. She says she’s here mainly because she needs something to do. She must not work. Or maybe she does but chooses not to volunteer that bit of information either.

  My palms sweat. In a shaky voice, I tell everyone my name and that I’m a claims adjuster. I purposefully omit my age, but don’t feel the need to state that I did so, like Sabrina did. “I’m here because I need something new and different. I don’t know... maybe this is it.”

  “Thanks, everyone. It’s my pleasure to be working with all of you,” Eve says brightly, walking over to the black desk at the front of the room. She takes a stack of binders and hands half to Tessa and half to Sabrina and we pass them around the circle until everyone has one.

  “This is our workbook for the next four weeks. Please make sure to bring it with you to class every week. Open it up to the table of contents and we’ll get started.”

  Hoping desperately that it isn’t too late for me to re-invent myself, I let out a deep breath and eagerly open my book.

  Chapter 11

  I’m the ‘bad’ friend so I know I should be the one to make the first move but I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I don’t know if she wants to be my friend anymore, especially after I skipped out on her shower. She’s been hanging with Michelle and Angela on lunches and breaks for the past month. For all I know, she may not care if we ever speak again. There’s only one way to find out. I catch her outside alone on break and I know I have to say something. I take a few steps toward her but hang back for a minute. I mutter, “Screw it,” under my breath, suck it up and walk right up to her and say in a rush, “Hi Sarah. How are you?”

  She turns around and looks kind of surprised, but she doesn’t run away like I imagined she would. “Hey, I’m good. How ‘bout you?”

  “I’m doing pretty well. Much better than before.”

  “I’m glad,” she replies with a tight smile.

  I take a deep breath. I might as well get this over with. “Look, Sarah, I’m really sorry for the way I was acting before. I’m sorry for flaking on you and missing your bridal shower. I acted like a selfish brat. There’s no excuse for it, and even if you don’t want to be friends anymore I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. You didn’t deserve that.” I don’t know what else to say and she has every reason to never want to speak to me again, so I turn to walk away.

  “Hey, where are you going?”

  Relieved, I turn around.

  “I was really hurt that you didn’t show up for my shower, but I’m not going to hold a grudge against you forever.”

  “I didn’t deserve to be there,” I say sadly, staring down at my shoes.

  “Alexis, we’re still friends.”

  “Really?”

  She smiles and nods her head. “Really, but only if you let me. Let me be your friend.”

  “I will,” I say, relieved. I’ll do better.

  “Isn’t your birthday this weekend? We should do something fun if you don’t already have plans.”

  “If I don’t already have any plans? Of course I don’t have any plans. Remember, I’m not exactly Miss Popular,” I say jokingly and roll my eyes. That’s Sarah for you. Ignore her for a whole month, be a no show at her bridal shower, then when you finally decide to speak to her again, she remembers your birthday.

  “Cool, let’s do dinner. We have a lot to catch up on.” As we walk back into the building, a huge weight lifts off my shoulders. I hated having this terrible ugly thing between us, and I despised seeing Angela smile so sickly sweet and insincerely at me as the three of them chit chatted while I took my breaks alone. Now that we’re friends again, things can get back to normal at work. Well, as normal as can be when you spend your workdays getting yelled at.

  Oh god. How embarrassing. I stare directly into the oozing chocolate deliciousness so I won’t see anyone in the restaurant looking our way. I could have done without a poorly sung birthday song from the entire wait staff. I’m just here for the giant free dessert. Sarah and I grab our spoons and dig in. Unlike most places, they don’t offer you the cheapest, smallest dessert of their choice. You get to pick whatever you want and they have the best Chocolate Molten Lava cake with vanilla ice cream in town. I know this, because I’ve made it my mission to find out. For that reason alone, this is the only place I ever want to go to on my birthday if I can help it. I don’t care that just half a slice probably has at least seven hundred calories on top of the ungodly amount of calories in the bacon cheese burger with garlic fries I j
ust inhaled.

  “How’s the new house?” I ask.

  I’ve only visited once, a few days after their loan closed when cardboard boxes outnumbered furnishings. She gave me the grand tour of their newly constructed, five bedroom, four and a half bath home—the epitome of the American Dream if I’ve ever seen it. I didn’t see a white picket fence but that’s okay because the behemoth house with its circular driveway and expansive lawn would only dwarf a dainty fence like that. Glass double doors open up into Jason’s office with two walls lined with floor to ceiling, dark wood bookshelves. The oversized granite island in the kitchen seats at least six, and Sarah will be very happy cooking meals on their stainless steel, restaurant sized stove. The master bathroom looks like a day spa with double sinks, a large soaking tub with jets, and a giant mosaic tiled shower boasting double showerheads. I’m invited over to watch movies once they get the theatre set up in the rec room.

  “The decorating is coming along nicely, but it’s a huge job. I’m not sure I know what I’m doing.” Our spoons clink as we go in for another bite and the brownie disappears by half. They bought the new house last fall and the final part of her fairy tale draws closer and closer.

  “Your house is basically a mansion. Have you realized that yet?”

  She sighs and shakes her head in disbelief. “I know. I never imagined in a million years I’d find myself living in a house like that.”

  “It’s like a fairy tale. You are so lucky!”

  “I know. Not a single day goes by that I forget that. And the thing is, even if it all went away tomorrow, I’d still be happy as long as I have Jason.”